God Calling...

God called me this week....well not literally but close enough. This week I received an unexpected phone call from the most unexpected person about the most unexpected subject.

First I have to take you back to this past spring when I felt a strong and powerful tug on my heart to reach out to young girls who find themselves unexpectedly expecting.

So together with Katie who also shared that same desire, we set forward to do just that. But God has other plans for Katie - plans that will take her 1000 miles away in just a matter of weeks. I am so happy for Katie and excited because I know God has great thing.

However for me, it was different. I've never been the leader - I've always preferred to follow. With Katie I had such amazing confidence and courage. When I found out she was leaving it was like the wind had gone out of my sails. I couldn't help but feel a bit betrayed. God had brought this amazing person into my life who had given me such great strength over the past year and now he was taking her away. How am I supposed to go forward alone?

So I started putting those plans off. I've had my reasons. I'm too busy. It's too hot. The kids are sick. I don't feel good. Work is too stressful. I'm tired.

Then came the phone call. The caller, the subject, the timing....it was just strange. When I hung up, it hit me...hard.

My reasons are nothing more than excuses. Every single one of them.

The truth is I'm afraid. Very afraid.

I've been acting like a child who lost her security blanket. God's reminding me that I don't need that security blanket. I have Him. Yes, He has huge amazing plans for Katie. But he's got a plan for me too and it's time to step out of the boat.

That was one call I'm glad I didn't miss.

Interview with Roxie Ellison...

So tonight we have high school student Roxie Ellison, here to answer a few questions on love, life, and being 17....

Interviewer: So Roxie, tell us what's ahead for you? Any post-high school plans?
Roxie: I'll be attending the same college my father went to in the fall. I'm hoping to follow in his footsteps and attend law school after that.

Interviewer: How about immediate future? What are your plans for the summer?
Roxie: Oh I'm gonna relax and hang out with my besties. Maybe squeeze in a few last dates with my boyfriend Jake before we go our separate ways.

Interviewer: As for Jake...are you planning a long distance relationship?
Roxie: Oh No! He's definitely just a high school thing. We'll both be at colleges that are hundreds of miles a part. Time to say wish each other well, say goodbye, maybe drop each other a line on Facebook every now and then...

Interviewer: So what's your plans for the weekend?
Roxie: Prom. What else?

Interviewer: Thanks Roxie. We'll catch up with you again next month to see how prom went. Until then...

A life full of change

Have you ever pondered life plans? How did you imagine that you'd spend your days when you were 10, 15, 18? Would the 10 year old you be proud of the person you've become? Thinking back, walking down ol' familiar Memory Lane, I can see 7 year old Katie, "Lizzie." I was standing in front of my class, telling them of my amazing dream to be a painter when I grew up. How did I come up with that, I'm not really sure? I'm actually not much of a painter at all. My masterpieces would appear elementary to most. There was also a day when I was 10. I borrowed one of my mom's reader's digests and became engrossed in one of the articles. When I was through, I distinctly remember telling my mother that I was headed to Guatemala to work in an orphanage. She smiled and told me to wait until I turned 16. As the years passed by, I went through many more phases. For 3 years straight I dreamed about going out to Hollywood and becoming a real actress. I actually went around the house practicing my acceptance speech at the Oscars. These things are all a part of my journey and all three of these dreams have partly come true. Maybe I'm no Davinci, but I had the opportunity to help paint a drug rehab center out in Houston. And no, I still have yet to step foot in Guatemala, but I have been to Mexico 3 times and I had a chance to work in an orphanage in Romania. And as you have probably guessed, I haven't starred in any movies worthy of an Oscar, but for two years in a row I was privileged to co-write/star in our church Christmas program.
Life has a way of throwing surprises and "interruptions" into your path. Things don't always come together as you had originally intended. Sometimes our choices present us with consequences that we have to face. Roxie, our main character, seemed to be on the fast track to success. An honor student, ready to step out of high school and advance into college and finally law school. One night changes all of that. A mistake made and now choices are dropped into her lap. None of them sound appealing and yet she has to decide. Will she try to cover up her error and go on with life as usual? Or will she sacrifice her dreams for the life of another?

Leaving behind the ivory tower

Children filed into her classroom, a variety of ages represented. Their faces smudged with dirt, wearing clothing that should have been discarded years ago, they arrived. No shoes adorned their feet and yet they hiked the 4-5 miles to make it to the schoolhouse. Hunger and chill kept some of them from paying full attention and yet here they stood before her, ready to learn. Was she prepared for this? Probably not. She had taken her teacher's training courses and yet she never expected she would be teaching 67 students all at once. She didn't know if she was quite ready to face the pain in these kid's lives. Visiting their homes brought along new woes. She wanted to run away, to go back to her "ivory tower" where things were safe. She had been reared in a respectable place, with wealthy parents and plenty to eat. She never knew that life could be like it was in this mountain cove.
The picture I've just painted comes from a beloved book entitled Christy by Catherine Marshall. The main character, Christy, has to decide what to do with the heartache that she's confronted with. Should she escape and pretend away the existence of the sights she had witnessed? But this place was real and her experiences could never be erased from her imagination.
What do we do with pain, deep hurts, poverty? I grew up in a middle class home with two parents who love me and love each other. I, as a child, never realized how blessed I really was. It didn't take long for my eyes to be opened though. Many of my friends had to go through the ordeal of watching their parent's marriage fall to pieces, ending in divorce and a broken family. I went to Mexico on a mission trip at age 15 and there, right in front of me, were children running around almost naked, living in shacks and eating garbage. Should I then have retreated to my home, determined to shield my vision from the harsh things of reality.
A wise woman found in the book Christy addressed this very issue. She had lived among the mountain folk for years and had seen some pretty terrible things. How did she avoid becoming bitter and cynical about life? First God had to pry her hands from her eyes, so she saw things as they really were. Then she had to learn that she couldn't destroy evil in and of herself, but that God was able to. As she partnered with God, she found herself looking at dreadful sights feeling God's compassion and love. He was the One who would help her "not to be overcome with evil, but to overcome evil with good." (Romans 12)
I have seen a good deal of darkness in my life and yet I've known such great love. I want to carry this love with me, serving those around me and planting seeds of hope. I want people to experience the God who is not only found in a church with a steeple, but amongst the hurting, the dirty and dying.

...or Godincidence?

So in my last entry I wrote about the so-called "coincidences" that my daughter experienced on her bus ride to camp. Today I'd like to talk about the so-called "coincidences" that created Lizzie Lynne, Roxie, and Roxie's story...

Last fall I signed up for a Monday night class at church at the urging of a friend. The class was a year long deal - relating to the current sermons taking place during the weekends. I went to that first class with a heavy heart - there was some trepidation on my part about it not being exactly what I hoped it to be. I nearly didn't go.

Thank You God. I did go.

In a room of nearly 30 various groups, I ended up at table #16 with my friend and 2 strangers. One of those strangers was Katie. As the weeks passed by, the members of our Monday night group changed. All of them changed. Except for Katie. Her and I remained steady members through the year. We shared many deep conversations during those nights.

On one particular night, I told her about my writing dream. I tell very few people about my writing dream. It's something I've always kept closely guarded. Something I've shared with very few. But for some reason I found myself telling Katie that night and I can't tell you how thrilled I was to find out she loved to write too!

And although we didn't know it, Lizzie Lynne was born that night.

Coincidences??? I think not.

It was another snowy Monday night during the winter that the topic of abortion came up. Katie and I discovered we both had a heart for the young woman struggling with this choice. We both have loved ones in our lives who continue to struggle with guilt and grief over their decision. Katie mentioned a place that allowed women facing the decision to have 3D ultrasounds - it gave them the chance to "really see" they're child before making the decision.

Our conversations from that night stayed in my mind for several days. I thought of my oldest daughter - she had been conceived when I was just a few years out of high school, unwed, and still living with my parents. The thought of my younger self making a different decision tore at my heart. I cannot imagine my life without my daughter.

Into my head came the idea of a young pregnant woman considering an abortion who is given the chance to see a future where she keeps the baby and a future where she doesn't before she makes the decision.

I approached Katie about it...along with the idea of writing it together. She had a similar idea too. I was thrilled.

Our 1st meeting about the novel took place on a spring Sunday afternoon at the local library. I came with a clear idea of the beginning and ending. Katie had a clear idea of the middle. It all fit together perfectly.

Coincidences??? I think not.

They're Godincidences...every single one of them.

And they keep coming.

The other night when I was contemplating which direction to take my blog entry, I googled the word "Godincidence". The first thing to come up happened to be a blog entry. The author of said blog happens to go my church.

Coincidence??? I think not.

Coincidence.....

Last Monday morning I put my daughter on a bus to camp for the week. As I watched her disappear as she stepped through the door, my stomach sank into a deep pit of worry. Although she was going with other kids from her church, she knew nobody. None of her friends or group members from her confirmation group were going. She had wanted this. She had looked forward to this. However my "mommy heart" couldn't help but worry about her feeling alone or isolated. It was obvious that the majority of the kids attending had friends with them.

A very long week followed. There was no contact unless there was an emergency so I had to leave it to God that she was going to be okay. Sometimes I'm not very good at that though. I had many moments where I couldn't stop envisioning her feeling alone, isolated, or homesick. My younger daughter reassured me by reminding me that "she always makes friends at the McDonald's play land", but my oldest is not five anymore. She's in junior high now, those years that run rampant with insecurities, cliques, and cruelness. You know those days...the ones most adults are glad are far behind them....days that not even a christian camp could be immune from.

Friday afternoon, my oldest bounded off the bus, ran towards us, and swept her little sister into a bear hug. When she put her down, she proceeded to tell us, and tell us, and tell us about the AWESOME week she had.

The best part began just after bus pulled out of the church parking lot on Monday morning. The girl sitting in front of my oldest broke out in tears. She didn't know anybody either. My oldest said she found the courage to move up a seat and introduce herself. It turned out she knew the girl - they attend the same school. My daughter had remembered this girl singing in the talent show this past spring. The counselors adjusted the room assignments so the two girls could be together. So not only did my daughter make a friend for the week...but they will soon be seeing each other again come fall.

Was it a coincidence that they ended up just a seat a part on the bus? Was it a coincidence that the girls happened to go to the same school?

I prefer to think not.

Hunting for treasure within......

"Don't judge a book by its cover," is one of the pieces of wisdom that I've carried with me since kindergarten. Have I always practiced this principle? Sadly, no. First impressions can be misleading. Instead of seeing the person, we see a label. We tote around masks, disguising who we truly are. It's our little piece of protection. In a good relationship, as trust is built, that mask is slowly peeled away to reveal the true person inside.

I'm beginning to discover the similarities between building a relationship and writing a story. We started out with two main characters, Roxie and Tess. In our minds we had a rough sketch of the kind of people they might be. We knew a few scattered facts from their lives. We were aware of some of the choices they'd made, as well as some of the decisions currently facing them. Those things all rest on the surface though. It's like with the actors in Hollywood. We read these magazine articles and watch them on talk shows and we feel like we know them. To know someone is to spend time with them. You witness their life alongside of them, taking in the bad days along with the good. To know them is to have the kind of trust where they are willing to share from the depths of their heart. You learn about what makes them tick. It's about listening and paying attention.

The characters in this story are starting to become a part of me. It's as if they are living, breathing human beings. Roxie on the outside may appear to have it all together. She may have a life that others are envious of. Behind that facade though she has her own struggles, pressures that weigh upon her shoulders that she wonders how to handle. Naturally, right away the reader comes face to face with flaws in Roxie's life, things about her that instantly irritate them. Inside we wish we could fix those imperfections. But, upon closer examination, we find a bit of ourselves in her. The casual observer can find the dross and stains in anyone, but it takes dedication, patient endurance, and a caring heart to find the treasure that's hidden.

I'm excited to dive deeper into these characters lives. I choose to look past the stereotypes and to meet them where they're at. This story is one hidden in dark closets. Bringing it out in the open is painful. And yet this story is begging to be told. So we press on another day.